You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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