I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
