Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
