i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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