He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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