I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
