Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Boobs are out for the taking
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
