I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
