why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
