Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
