Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize