Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
