i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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