That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
