she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
