I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
