No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
