can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
