You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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