So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
