There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
