Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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