Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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