You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize