do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
