my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
