I need to stop coming to work sober
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
