I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
