i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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