Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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