I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
