considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
