I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We are all done wearing pants today
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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