Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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