fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
