we have pet lesbian snakes
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
