he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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