I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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