just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
