i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Alive.
So much puke
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
