period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
