Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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