these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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