how can u be prego again
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
