I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
