am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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