Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
