I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
