RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
