Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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