i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
