I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
