we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
