We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
