My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
