I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
