oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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