I never want to see another naked old woman again.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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