Porn is love you can see.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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