im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
