so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
