Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
