I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
