Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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