You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
