Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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