i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
