The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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