my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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