neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
