my mouth tastes like poor choices
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Randomize
