Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
