Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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