we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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