Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Randomize