My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
