i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
